Leopard's downward spiral

So in my downtime at work today, I was perusing eBay, like I often do. I recently purchased a leopard print pashmina that has worked its way into my wardrobe's regular rotation, and thought a nice basic leopard print dress might be a nice addition as well. (still doing the Zimbabwe challenge, mind you, I have a few items for sale on eBay!)

So I innocently typed in "leopard dress" in the eBay search bar.

Oh my. I had no idea leopard was reserved for one of three kinds of women:

1. Clubbing skanks

2. Street walking trollops

3. Quite Wealthy

Most leopard dresses fit into category 1, Clubbing Skanks:

This duo of frocks best represents the general feeling of the Clubbing Skank vibe. Short, low cut, very stretchy and LEOPARD.

An alarmingly large percentage of leopard dresses fit into category two: Street walking Trollops:

"Dress" is a big stretch with this one. I'd say more "Playboy Mansion Grotto Swimsuit."

I mean, c'mon, this dress is ludicrous, I mean... OH MY GOD THEY PHOTOSHOPPED THAT DRESS ON THIS MODEL.
Take a close look. It's so true. So if I were to purchase this on eBay, would I get a real dress? Or just a printout of one? Maybe just a digital file? I could paste this dress on a photo of my own nude body?

Then finally, we have a decent option:

Ooooh nice! Cute, classy, fun print. I'm sure it would be super flattering! Oh...oh no. It's a Diane Von Furstenberg. Oh and lookie here...the price. $300.

What have we learned today, children? There is a serious gap in leopard print dresses for us middle-of-the-road ladies. Now, go do your homework and find me a cute leopard dress for under $30. OK...maybe lower middle class would be more accurate.