Letter to Jcrew's ad people

Dear J Crew-

Let's get to the point. This photograph is one of the most awkward and poorly chosen that I have seen for quite some time. While your model has the spindly build and graceful face that is indicitive of your brand, she does this sweater no justice whatsoever. Or maybe the sweater does her no justice. Either way, I feel you could have chosen a much more appealing shot to convince me to buy your overpriced yet medium quality sweaters.

When I look at this woman, I wonder, "is her neck really that long? Does she hail from a region where neck rings are a cultural symbol of beauty? And if so, why did you cover up the explanation with two feet of cabled wool, masking it as a turtleneck sweater?"

Sure, I could do the usual rant about how this woman has less curves than a yardstick and a head larger than Victoria Beckham's. But I'll spare you. It's really the hodgepodge of mismatched accessories and use of holly (a mighty prickly plant, last time I checked) as a sort of corsage for the waist, that really baffles me. I mean, tan sweater, aqua belt, sage skirt, beige tights? Throw the red and forest green holly in there we have an absolute nightmare of discohesion.

Next time you send me an e-mail, (which will most likely be in about 7 hours, if not sooner,) please try a little harder. Oh, and for the record, your promises of FREE SHIPPING aren't fooling anyone anymore. We all read the fine print.

Thanks and regards,

Erin